Ways of Our Mothers
by bigdamnxenafan
Summary: Charin gives Tagan Emmagan some advice on life and motherhood.


The fire was warm and the wind cold. Tagan could hear its mournful cry as it whipped around her hut, the thin walls shuddering in its wake. She sighed and glanced at the door, worried for Torren, her child's father. She had foolishly mentioned a craving for fresh meat and, dutiful mate that he was, he had set out oblivious of the weather to bring her what she desired.

She paced the length of the room, absently rubbing her swollen belly. "Your father is a good man, little one, if a bit impulsive," Tagan said. The child inside her kicked in response and Tagan could not help but laugh. "Of course you already knew that." So did the entire village; no other man doted on their mate as Torren did her. If she asked for the moon, Tagan had no doubt Torren would find a way to pluck it from the sky.

The thought made her miss him more and she settled heavily into the rocking chair placed near the hearth. She began to rock and sing a soft lullaby to her baby, her mind wandering to the future and all it held. Warmth surrounded her and soon she succumbed to it, further lulled into slumber by the gentle swaying of the chair.

_You have not yet dreamed a name, yet you are certain you carry a daughter._

Not me so much as Torren. I hoped for a son, though any healthy child will be a blessing.

Why a son?

I do not know. I suppose I perceive boys to be easier to deal with and nurture. Perhaps that notion is colored by memories of my childhood. My mother often despaired at my behavior.

I have never known you to take the easy way, child. Perhaps that is why you presented such an interesting challenge to your mother.

Tagan started. The voice from her dream was calling to her. "Charin, is that you?" she asked, her brain still dull from sleep.

"Yes, child, it is Charin. May I come in? It is quite cold out here."

Tagan laboriously pushed herself out of the chair. "Yes, do come in. Would you care for some tea?" she inquired as Charin pushed her way through the heavy, leather flap covering the door.

"Yes, that would be lovely."

She motioned for the older woman to take a seat and then began waddling about collecting the kettle, mugs, and tea.

"Your time is drawing near," Charin said. She watched intently as Tagan hung the kettle over the fire. "One week, two at the most."

Tagan shot her a puzzled look. "You are mistaken, Charin, the midwife is certain I will not deliver for at least a moon, perhaps even several weeks hence."

"It is the midwife who is mistaken. Jana is talented, but she is young. I am the mother of four children, she has not one. Her eyes have not seen what mine have seen, she lacks my experience," Charin said matter-of-factly. "It is the reason I am here, to ensure you are prepared for the child's arrival."

The younger woman smiled. "Torren has long since completed the crib and rocking chair. Being bonded to an artisan has many advantages. He has very skillful hands." She paused to retrieve the kettle and prepare the tea. "I have sewn many clothes, swaddling, and blankets. Our people have been generous as well. I can think of nothing we lack."

Charin nodded and blew gently on her tea. "You misunderstand me young one. I came here to help you prepare for the arrival of your child. Motherhood is a rewarding responsibility. It is also a difficult one."

Tagan laughed softly. "I have led our people for nearly four harvests. I believe I am ready to take on the responsibility of one child."

"Ready to love a child, yes, but there is far more to motherhood than that. Are you ready for the sleepless nights, to never know true rest again, to have your heartbroken with defiance, grief, and worry? Are you ready for the self doubt and second guessing?" Charin asked gently. "These are the aspects of motherhood of which we rarely speak. Only mothers to daughters and only then when they are of an age to comprehend it."

Tagan sighed, such thoughts had already crossed her mind. However, she did not want to seem ungrateful by saying so. "Those things I do not know. Can one ever truly be prepared for such hardships? I do know that at times such as these I miss my mother most keenly." She shook her head slowly as she looked down at her belly. "I only know what I have seen. I have had many good examples--my mother--you. It is my hope that I have gained enough wisdom from the two of you to muddle through this task."

Charin covered Tagan's hand and squeezed it. "Were your mother here it would be her duty to counsel you while you await the arrival of your first born and to help you adjust after the birth, such is the way of our people." A small, wistful smile tugged at her lips. "Sadly, she was taken from us much too soon. She was my dearest friend and I hope I have advised adequately in her stead."

"Oh, Charin, you have. You have been wonderful to me throughout this process," Tagan said, blinking back tears. Only after the older woman's admission did she realize Charin had been ever present in her life since she announced her pregnancy. Her thoughts drifted back to previous conversations, like the one from her earlier dream. All along Charin had been steadfast and supportive, if a bit overprotective. Now she understood the constant reminders of their traditions, the constant inquiries into her well being.

Tagan smiled and cleared her throat. "I have been meaning to ask--will you be with me when the time comes? Torren will be there, of course, and Jana. Yet, it would be a comfort to have you present."

Charin's eyes sparkled. "You have me always, child. If you ever find yourself in need of anything, just ask." A few tears misted her eyes as well. "I would be honored to be present at the birth of your child."

"Is it not also our way to have the guardian of a child present at their birth?" Tagan asked. She laughed lightly at the look of surprise etched on Charin's features. Seldom could she catch the older woman off her guard. "I have been meaning to ask you that as well. Torren and I decided many moons ago that we wish for you to take on that role."

"I do not know what to say," Charin stammered. She wanted to protest, surely there were younger women who would suit, but the pleading in Tagan's eyes stayed her tongue.

"Say, yes."

"Very well, I accept the role as guardian and swear to keep the child safe should tragedy befall you and your mate,." Charin solemnly spoke the vow formally sealing the arrangement.

Tagan bowed slightly. "Thank you."

A comfortable silence settled between them and they allowed it to linger as they sipped their tea. Tagan swirled the dregs in her cup, staring at them thoughtfully for a few moments. "Charin," she ventured, fidgeting a bit as she spoke. "I must confess, I am a bit anxious. Time is short and I have no name for this child."

Charin smiled and softly patted Tagan's hand. "The dream will come."

"What if it does not? Could I not choose a name on my own?

"Have you ever heard of or seen a child with no name?" Charin inquired, chuckling softly. "It will come as it did to your mother and her mother before her. Perhaps not before the baby's arrival but it will come none-the-less. The Ancestors will not force you to choose. A name is too powerful a thing to put into human hands, even your capable ones."

Tagan nodded, biting back the urge to say some traditions should be left behind. "Very well, I will endeavor to be patient."

***

_Two weeks later  
_  
Tagan sat by the fire gently rocking her daughter. Two days had passed since this amazing little creature had entered her life. Tagan was tired, more tired than she had ever been before. She was also happier than ever, full of hope and excitement, and a bit nervous about being a new mother.

Torren dropped a kiss on the top of her head and gently caressed their daughter's cheek. "She is even more beautiful than I imagined she would be," he murmured. Torren was still a bit awestruck. The role of proud father suited him well and Tagan graced him with an adoring smile. A soft knock drew him away. "Charin is here to see you," Torren said as he ushered the older woman in. He bowed slightly then excused himself leaving the women to talk.

"How are you and the baby today?" Charin inquired, pulling up a chair so she could sit beside them and dote on the infant.

"We are well, if a bit sleepy." Tagan passed the child over noting the sureness of Charin's hands as she took the tiny bundle. "And we are named. The dream came to me last night."

"That is good news indeed," Charin laughed joyfully. "And tell me, little one, what name was your mother given for you?"

"Her name is Teyla," Tagan replied reaching over to smooth the baby's downy hair.

"Teyla--a shining light--it is a good name."

"She has certainly become my beacon of hope," Tagan said softly.

"As are all children to their mothers." Charin smiled down at the infant and begin to sing.

Tagan immediately recognized the song; it had been passed down from mother to daughter since the dawn of Athos. She joined in, her clear high voice, mingling with Charin's low, mellow one, the joyful tune of enduring love and inevitable separation filling the small room.

_The child becomes a woman, the woman brings forth a child; and so it goes, daughter becomes mother, the cycle begins anew. _


End file.
